Kindness in Marriage
“But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23
“He who plants kindness, gathers love.” – St. Basil
- Grab your Bible, your journal, pen, a candle, something delicious to drink, and go to the place where you meet with your Jesus. Ask the Lord to help you to drink deeply the love of Christ today and to share this wonderful love with your husband and family today.
- Read Galatians 5:22-26. (I love these verses in The Living Bible translation). Highlight verses 22 & 23 and write them in your journal.
Kindness in Marriage
What I am going to share with you today is something that is close to my heart.
When we think about the causes of marital problems, it may seem to us that the big, evil sins are the culprits that destroy a marriage. But in reality, it is often the small, unnoticed sins that can get large over time and become the Destroyer’s weapon he uses to defeat great marriages. In this study, I would like to shed a little light on KINDNESS, and the beautiful self-worth it brings to our husbands.
Anyone can fulfill the daily duties of being a wife and mother, but being K I N D to our husbands while we are fulfilling those duties, take intentionality. How I know this to be true! My husband & I together share the responsibility of raising our five children who are yet at home. Our two oldest have now (within the last year) left our little nest and are beginning the wonderful journey of making their own.
A few years ago, I had an incident that led to a conversation with my husband about kindness that will always be highlighted in my memory.
It had been a rough day. I was irritable, so tired, and simply worn out from trying to do everything there is to do in a big family. It seemed the duties never ended. Always more laundry, more nurturing, more cooking, more cleaning, and well, more of everything. A sick child, one in need of encouragement, yet another needing discipline. An unending cycle of servanthood, where it felt like the joy was being sucked right out of me. (I know all of you Moms can identify). But on this particular evening, I was being snappy with Kim (my husband), and then I realized that He was unusually quiet. He seemed distant and more discouraged than I had noticed before. A sadness filled his eyes. It made me sad just to look at him, and I wondered what could be the matter? I am so glad I asked.
My dear husband said something like: “I know you have a lot on your plate, all the children to watch over and care for while I am at work, and you have an endless amount of chores and responsibility, but can you please at least be KIND to me?”
This pierced me in the heart. Really, how could I not have noticed!
Sadly I had slipped into a pattern of self-centeredness and complaining. A habit, so that I didn’t look at my husband with adoration like I had in our early married years. I hadn’t realized that my heart had grown cold towards him and I had forgotten how to respond kindly to my best friend.
This was not the legacy I wanted to leave behind.
That night I repented to my husband and to God. And slowly, with God’s help and perspective, I began to turn the unkindness toward Kim around. I became more aware, more purposeful in my marriage, taking opportunities to be more intentional. It is something I still have to keep remembering and keep in the forefront of my heart and mind to stay fervent in.
Since my husband’s primary love language is physical touch, I now look for opportunities to kindly hug and kiss him, and I try to initiate intimacy when we are alone. I am also purposing to speak kind words instead of harsh ones and spend more time with him. Slowly, the love that had been hidden became more evident again, blossoming into something beautiful like a rose.
The light and joy returned in his eyes. We became more of a team, and better friends. I do believe kindness saved our marriage in more ways than we know. Though we may have stayed together in our future, without this one change, our marriage would have been something we would have had to “endure,” rather than enjoy and treasure. It may have led to other “big” things that destroy a godly marriage and family.
Kindness matters. As small as it may seem, it gives worth and sends a BIG message to our husbands.
Questions to Ponder: Write the answers to these questions in your journal.
- Have you too forgotten to be kind to your husband? What are some little acts of kindness you can show him today that could transform your marriage from bad or good to wonderful?
- What words of kindness can you speak that you want him always to remember? How can you kindly turn your child/children toward him?
- Ask the Holy Spirit to help you recognize where you’ve gone “off the road” as a helper and to give you strength and grace to get back on track. Repent and turn towards your husband by taking action in kindness; it really could save your marriage!
- Pick a day this week, plan a date night for you and your husband. If money is tight, see if you can swap childcare with a friend. Remember, your date can be inexpensive.
Here are some great ideas:
-Go try a completely different drink at your favorite coffee haunt, then share 10 things that you love about each other.
-Go for a walk in a park, downtown, or anywhere that has beauty. Dream together about where you would like to go for your 25 wedding anniversary.
-Grab ice cream or frozen yogurt somewhere and reminisce about your wedding and honeymoon. Be sure to laugh at the blunders, and drink in the beautiful memories!
-You do you. 🙂 This week, I will plan a for my husband and me.
Join the Community!
Answer today’s questions in the comment box so we can all get to know one another! We at the HCFM are praying for our online community to build relationships, even if they are across the country or the world!
1. What’s the best date night idea you have ever heard or done?
2. What’s a great Mom Tips idea that has to do with husbands?
Mari Jo had an encounter with the living God in 2000, and was freed from the bondage of legalism. She is passionate about Jesus and his love, and desires for everyone to know He is alive!