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Kindness in Marriage

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love your husband day 2
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“But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23

“He who plants kindness, gathers love.”   – St. Basil

 

  •  Grab your Bible, your journal, pen, a candle, something delicious to drink, and go to the place where you meet with your Jesus. Ask the Lord to help you to drink deeply the love of Christ today and to share this wonderful love with your husband and family today.
  •  Read Galatians 5:22-26.  (I love these verses in The Living Bible translation). Highlight verses 22 & 23 and write them in your journal.

Kindness in Marriage

What I am going to share with you today is something that is close to my heart.

When we think about the causes of marital problems,  it may seem to us that the big, evil sins are the culprits that destroy a marriage. But in reality, it is often the small, unnoticed sins that can get large over time and become the Destroyer’s weapon he uses to defeat great marriages. In this study, I would like to shed a little light on KINDNESS, and the beautiful self-worth it brings to our husbands.

Anyone can fulfill the daily duties of being a wife and mother, but being K I N D to our husbands while we are fulfilling those duties, take intentionality. How I know this to be true!  My husband & I together share the responsibility of raising our five children who are yet at home. Our two oldest have now (within the last year) left our little nest and are beginning the wonderful journey of making their own.

A few years ago, I had an incident that led to a conversation with my husband about kindness that will always be highlighted in my memory.

It had been a rough day. I was irritable, so tired, and simply worn out from trying to do everything there is to do in a big family. It seemed the duties never ended. Always more laundry, more nurturing, more cooking, more cleaning, and well, more of everything. A sick child, one in need of encouragement, yet another needing discipline. An unending cycle of servanthood, where it felt like the joy was being sucked right out of me.  (I know all of you Moms can identify). But on this particular evening, I was being snappy with Kim (my husband), and then I realized that He was unusually quiet. He seemed distant and more discouraged than I had noticed before. A sadness filled his eyes. It made me sad just to look at him, and I wondered what could be the matter? I am so glad I asked.

My dear husband said something like:  “I know you have a lot on your plate, all the children to watch over and care for while I am at work, and you have an endless amount of chores and responsibility, but can you please at least be KIND to me?”

This pierced me in the heart. Really, how could I not have noticed!

Sadly I had slipped into a pattern of self-centeredness and complaining. A habit, so that I didn’t look at my husband with adoration like I had in our early married years.  I hadn’t realized that my heart had grown cold towards him and I had forgotten how to respond kindly to my best friend.

This was not the legacy I wanted to leave behind.

That night I repented to my husband and to God.  And slowly, with God’s help and perspective, I began to turn the unkindness toward Kim around. I became more aware, more purposeful in my marriage, taking opportunities to be more intentional. It is something I still have to keep remembering and keep in the forefront of my heart and mind to stay fervent in.

Since my husband’s primary love language is physical touch,  I now look for opportunities to kindly hug and kiss him, and I try to initiate intimacy when we are alone. I am also purposing to speak kind words instead of harsh ones and spend more time with him. Slowly, the love that had been hidden became more evident again, blossoming into something beautiful like a rose.

The light and joy returned in his eyes. We became more of a team, and better friends.  I do believe kindness saved our marriage in more ways than we know. Though we may have stayed together in our future, without this one change, our marriage would have been something we would have had to “endure,” rather than enjoy and treasure. It may have led to other “big” things that destroy a godly marriage and family.

Kindness matters. As small as it may seem, it gives worth and sends a BIG message to our husbands.

Questions to Ponder:  Write the answers to these questions in your journal.   

  • Have you too forgotten to be kind to your husband? What are some little acts of kindness you can show him today that could transform your marriage from bad or good to wonderful?
  • What words of kindness can you speak that you want him always to remember?  How can you kindly turn your child/children toward him?
  • Ask the Holy Spirit to help you recognize where you’ve gone “off the road” as a helper and to give you strength and grace to get back on track. Repent and turn towards your husband by taking action in kindness; it really could save your marriage!

Faith-Filled Idea:  

  • Pick a day this week, plan a date night for you and your husband. If money is tight, see if you can swap childcare with a friend. Remember, your date can be inexpensive.

Here are some great ideas:

-Go try a completely different drink at your favorite coffee haunt, then share 10 things that you love about each other.

-Go for a walk in a park, downtown, or anywhere that has beauty. Dream together about where you would like to go for your 25 wedding anniversary.

-Grab ice cream or frozen yogurt somewhere and reminisce about your wedding and honeymoon. Be sure to laugh at the blunders, and drink in the beautiful memories!

-You do you.  🙂 This week, I will plan a for my husband and me.

LoveHusband_Day2_800x800

Join the Community!

Answer today’s questions in the comment box so we can all get to know one another! We at the HCFM are praying for our online community to build relationships, even if they are across the country or the world!

1. What’s the best date night idea you have ever heard or done?

2. What’s a great Mom Tips idea that has to do with husbands?

Mari Jo Mast

Mari Jo Mast

Mari Jo, her husband Kim and family left everything that was familiar to them 13 years ago to move to beautiful Colorado.They live on a mini-farm which includes Snickers (a small Yorkie-Poo), arooster named Cracker Jack, and 23 chickens who supply them with fresh eggs every day! It is their desire to allow all 7 of their children to live outside of the box, to pursue Jesus and follow their God-given desires for His greater purpose. Two are happily married to spouses who are greatly loved. They have a sweet little Grandson and a little Granddaughter will be added this summer!

Mari Jo had an encounter with the living God in 2000, and was freed from the bondage of legalism. She is passionate about Jesus and his love, and desires for everyone to know He is alive!
Mari Jo Mast

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28 Comments

  1. I am going to be thinking this week of something special for just my husband and I where I can show him intentional kindness and love! What a great study!

    • What a great idea Krystle, I love that. Have fun! I’m in Ohio while my husband is in Arizona…when we both come home we will do something special too. 😊

  2. We love star gazing. We live within 45 minutes to Estes Park and Rocky Mountain National Park; we love to go and stop up on Trail Ridge Road and you can see the Milky Way! It is so dark up there and it has to be a clear night without a full moon. We started doing this while we were dating 35 years ago. Such a blessing.

    • Such great ideas Beth Ann! I’ve found in my marriage to think back and do some of the same things we used to do rekindles my love for my husband. Thanks for sharing!

  3. First of all, this study is one I really needed to read. Thank you for sharing on this topic! Sometimes for a fun date idea we go mini golfing and hit up the batting cages! It’s an easy way to remember how fun it is to be a kid and it always reminds me of our early dating days! (One of our first dates was to the batting cages!) A little ccompetitiveness can be fun 😉 A good husband mom tip can be stopping by your husband’s work during the day, if you can, and surprise him with or without the kids! It’s a sure way to brighten up their day!

    • Such fun ideas Kristall! I agree, a little competition & playing games etc is great! Oh, and I like the idea of stopping in to visit him at work! Spontaneous is good. 😊

  4. I have to say, being 22 and not married yet (but soon to be engaged), I love all of the comments and ideas for dates as well as the simicity of just being kind to our husbands. It is one more thing I get to add to my prayer list of requests to God about making me the wife that my future husband needs!

    • You are very wise and brave, Alicia! I am so glad you’re a part of the Help Club for Moms, and pray you will always feel loved, connected and continue to glean great ideas as we journey together!

    • That is so wonderful Alecia, congratulations! Your marriage will be off to a great start as you always keep this in mind! Thanks for sharing and God’s best to you ♥️

  5. Yes! Thank you for sharing this; I really need to read it!

    • You’re welcome Heather, I need to be reminded often!

  6. I love some of these ideas! Especially the sticky notes and star gazer. It’s so hard to find time to get “out” but that’s so fun. Definitely will be trying those. Every day I’ve been sending my husband texts about why I love him, I even set an alarm on my phone so I dont forget, because sometimes I just get caught up inn the craziness of life and forget to let him know how much I care. So it’s my first step in being intentional.

    • Thank you for sharing Brandi, I love that idea of putting a reminder on your phone to text your husband! Such an encouraging yet easy thing to do! It’s the consistent small encouragements in our relationship that over time build a great marriage with our husbands. Hope you’re having a wonderful day!

    • That’s a wonderful, Brandi! I especially like you saying that it’s a step toward being intentional. What a great perspective!

  7. 1. What’s the best date night idea you have ever heard or done? Aside from elabotate dates that are expensive and take lots of planning (my favorite), some of our best dates are day hikes. It’s easier to find people to watch the kids during the day, and we have some great talks when it is just us in the wilderness. Another one: we will put the kids to bed an hour early, dress nice but comfortable, get take out (from someplace special), and have our date by candlelight on the patio or by the fireplace in the winter. Bonus: we can splurge on dinner because we’re not paying for a tip or baby sitter.

    2. What’s a great Mommy Tips idea that has to do with husbands? I try to pray about any problem I have with my husband before I ever mention it to him. Before I began this, I would often make my case while Mike was at work, and by the time he got home, I would blindside him with a well-thought-out accusation. I always won the argument, but was frustrated that I never saw any changes in result. Now, I ask God to show me if it is something we need to discuss with Mike or something I should bring to Jesus. One time, I asked God if I should talk to Mike about something he was doing that really upset me and made me feel unappreciated. God clearly told me to keep it to myself (probably because He knew how angry I was). I submitted to God’s guidance, which was humbling. Not five minutes later, my husband brought up the subject, heard me out, and apologized. God sees my struggle, and He cares about each one. By laying my cares at the cross when I feel unloved and unappreciated, I am learning to see how God loves and appreciates me.

    • Thanks for sharing, Heather! Love, love the inexpensive date ideas! I agree, some of the most enjoyable dates are the ones that take less planning. How beautiful that you are learning how God loves and appreciates you even when you don’t feel it. Great testimony!

  8. I am a casual dresser and most of the time tend to wear clothing that just “blends in”. Yesterday was my birthday and my family made me a special dinner. Even though the dress was casual I decided to “dress up” for my husband by wearing a black knit sun dress, doing a little something different with my hair and adding a touch of red lipstick. I think the children and my husband felt honored that I would show my appreciation for their hard work in the kitchen by making it an “occasion” with my outfit!

    • What a beautiful idea Lisa! I really think our guys appreciate it when we try to make an effort to dress nice:)

    • That is so, so sweet Lisa, I LOVE that idea!

  9. Thank you so much for this Mary Jo! Our best date nights are when we drive around and talk. We will stop and get coffee first and then we just drive. This is pretty simple, but in our busy season of life it is so hard to actually have a conversation without being interrupted by little people. We also love exploring new areas and looking at other people’s houses and yards to get inspiration for our own house. We are weird I know. 🙂

    The best mommy tip that has to do with husbands is to always welcome them home with a smile and let them have a few mintues of alone time to unwind from work. I know us moms are SO tired after a long day with the kids, but our husbands have also had a long day at work. I know my husband has more enegy and is excited to play with our kids after he has had five minutes of quietness before the craziness of dinner and playtime starts!

    • You are not weird Rachel! I love that idea! How fun!
      Also, what a great way to honor your husband! I know mine needs a few minutes as well:) Thanks so much!! 🙂

    • These are all wonderful ideas, Rachel! My husband and I love to drive around too and drink coffee! So relaxing and care free. And yes I agree, those few minutes of free time for our husbands when they come home from a hard day at work can change the whole dynamics for the evening. Thanks for sharing!

  10. Hi Deb & Mari Jo, I just want to say that this note about kindness was awesome & so “do-able”! I really needed to hear this because I get so caught up in getting things done, that I forget… Thank you for this greatly-needed reminder!

    • Thanks Kristi, I am the same, and still need a reminder every now and then. Sadly it’s easy to get sidetracked!

  11. A dear friend gave my husband and I the idea to lay out on the drive way, look at the stars and talk. Quickly it became one of our favorite dates. Grab a hot or cold drink and enjoy! It is romantic, special, and no baby sitting required after the kids are in bed or just watching a movie.

    Mommy tips for husbands…write a couple sticky notes with things you love or respect about your husband. Place them in his car, bible, shower, coffee maker or on his toothbrush…wherever he is sure to go. You could also gather the same type of notes from other men he respects. It is so good for them to be encouraged by not only us but also other men they admire.

    • What a great idea Anelise!! Oh my goodness! How fun and meaningful!
      And I am totally stealing the sticky note idea! Thanks!

    • What great ideas Anelise, thank you for sharing! I think we’ll try the gazing star one…after the kids are in bed of course (that would just be way too much fun in their book and all 5 of them would be out there with us!) 🙂 Love the sticky note ideas too, how sweet!

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