The Ministry of a Christian Stepmom

Family Day 5
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Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus. Philippians 2:2-5

“All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” – Abraham Lincoln of his stepmother, Sarah.

 

  • Grab your Bible, a pen, your journal, something delicious to drink, and go to the place where you meet with God. If you are a stepmom or mom, know that you are not alone in your endeavor to love your family well. Take a deep breath and relax today, knowing that God is with you. The Lord is your Helper!
  • Read  1 Corinthians 13:7, Philippians 2:2-5, Colossians 3:23, and Esther 4:14b  And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”
  • If you are a stepmom, ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you as you read these Scriptures and show you the importance of your ministry to your stepchildren. Perhaps God has given you, as a mom, to your stepchildren just like He gave Esther to help the Jews. Esther gave her all to save her people, perhaps God is calling you to do the same.
  • If you know someone who is a stepmom, consider passing this study on to her and be sure to pray for her as she ministers to her stepchildren.

The Ministry of a Christian Stepmom

Mothers are important; we mold the hearts and minds of the next generation. The importance is not only true of birth and adoptive moms but also stepmoms.

My parents divorced when I was young, and my dad remarried. Daddy had full custody of me, so I lived with him and my stepmom full time. These short years became one of the most difficult seasons of my life. My parent’s recent divorce left me feeling wounded and broken. Furthermore, my stepmom didn’t want me, so I never felt loved and accepted living in her home. They divorced a short time later, and I felt relieved.

After their divorce, my dad dated a delightful woman named Sharon. Though they never married, and were only together a short time, I will always remember Sharon for the way she loved me like a daughter and taught me much about life. She helped me learn all about how to apply cosmetics and hosted my friends for sleepovers. Sharon was a delightful cook and loved to decorate. She was a beautiful example of a sweet mother-figure who chose to invest her life into a defeated young girl.

My dad later married a kind woman named Jean. My children know Jean as Nanny, and she loved them like her own grandchildren. Jean was just what I needed as an adult stepchild. She loved my dad well and took care of him until the end of his life. I will always be thankful for my sweet stepmom, Jean.

As a stepmom, you have the God-given potential to make an enormous difference in the lives of your stepchildren.  I fervently believe this is a ministry given to you by God to show His love to your potentially wounded stepchildren and teens.

I don’t know your situation. The children’s mom may be fantastic, and if so the children are blessed.  Much of the time, however, the mom may have deep wounds which make it hard for her to be the mother her children need. In any case, don’t ever underestimate the power of your ministry to your stepchildren. You will never replace their mom, but you can be a positive role model and someone who is always there for them and shows them the love of Jesus.

While praying over this study,  I thought about the things I needed from my stepmom when I was living with her. I felt the Lord impressing on me to discuss five practical ways you can love your stepchildren during this season with your blended family in your home:

  • Pray! Prayer is your greatest work in your home! Pray for your husband and stepchildren to feel the love of Jesus in your home through you. Don’t forget to pray for the children’s mom and for healing to take place in her heart as well. Prayer changes everything!
  • Be patient and keep loving, no matter what. The children may resent you, but know they are hurting during this difficult season. Ask God to help you love supernaturally with the love of Christ.
  • Cook as much as possible! Break out your crock pot and make sure the children have delicious smells in the kitchen when they come home. Have dinners together as much as you can, even if you are all busy!
  • Be present, available, and listen. Be there! Try to be home when the children are home. Take the time to ask about their day and listen. Give lots of sweet hugs. Go to their sporting practices and events. Host their friends in your home for special dinners and sleepovers. Your relationship will take a significant investment of time, but it’s worth it!
  • Stay positive as much as possible. Don’t ever vent about their mom, your husband, or any situation to the children. Let them be children. They most likely have gone through a lot of difficulties with their parent’s divorce and have wounds of their own. I lost my childhood and had to grow up fast because of my parent’s divorce; they probably have too. They need time and prayers to heal. The Lord will help them!

Questions to Ponder

  • If you are a stepmom– Pray and ask God to help you to love well. Ask Him to show you ALL of your children’s hearts and how to love them better and to teach you how to pray specifically for your family. Write the answers in your journal. If you don’t feel like you are getting a response from God, keep praying and asking until you get an answer. Be patient and know God hears and answers every one of our prayers.
  • If you know someone who is a stepmom-Pray and ask God how you can help support your friend and her family. Try to get to know the children and be a sweet “Auntie” they can look back on as someone who took an interest in their lives and loved them well.

Faith Filled Idea

  • If you are a stepmom– Do something special with each of your children this month. If you don’t see your stepchildren often, try to Skype them or send them a note with some fun stickers or a gift certificate to a coffee shop.
  • If you know someone who is a stepmom- Take your friend’s kids out to a movie or stop by with a bagel pack or some treat they can enjoy. Call your friend who is a stepmom and encourage her by telling her you are proud of her. If she is a Christian, ask if you can pray for her.

family day 5

 

Deb Weakly

Deb Weakly

Co-founder at Help Club for Moms
Deb is married to her soulmate of 26 years, Randy. They have two grown children, Christie and Jack, and one precious, answer to prayer son-in-love named Alex.

If there was one thing Deb would love to share with you is that God is personal and loves you as you are. You don’t have to be perfect to be loved by our amazing God! Come as you are! His loving presence can be practically known and experienced. He is not a God who is far away, He is dearly near and easily found. He longs for you to come to Him!
Deb Weakly

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12 Comments on “The Ministry of a Christian Stepmom”

  1. Thank you for your words. I am in need of some more specific advice if I may ask of you. Four years ago, my husband got custody of his daughter, 6 years old at the time. Her mother had gotten custody taken away from her and has spent the last 4 years telling her she is trying to get her back. However, by that she means, your dad won’t let me have you back. My husband works late and does not have a lot of time with the kids (we have a 3 year old together) He takes his daughter to school everyday though so they get a little time together alone each day. Because of his work schedule, I have been the one having to do basically ALL the parenting stuff that a step parent should not have to do which has lead his daughter to, in her words “not like you anymore.” Truthfully, I love her so much, but I do not like her very much anymore either. She has behavioral issues all rooted from things she had to see while her parents were together, while she lived with her mom after her dad left, and now when she visits her mom and that side of the family. She knows what is right and what is wrong, she just deliberately chooses wrong most of the time. We have had her in counseling for over a year now and have not noticed much of a change. Mother does not give her any consequences for her actions and does literally everything for her including still tying her shoes at 10 years old. Dad is not much help as she is usually in bed or getting ready for it when he gets home. My main concern is how can I teach my daughter to grow into a successful, loving, responsible christian adult if I am having to parent her sister differently? I worry about the bad influence she is on my daughter. I am young in the Lord, but have started to seek God for these issues and I know He will answer in His time. I know He needs me to learn some things before I can fully grasp how I am going to get through this. I have also been praying for the mother and for my stepdaughter. I was just searching online to see if there was any information about step moms in my situation. Most the articles and sermons I have come across do not talk about being the step parent that is really the ONLY one parenting the step child. Anyways, thanks again for your words and in my time with God alone I am going to study the scriptures you provided and just wait upon the Lord for my strength to renew.

    1. Hello Stormie,
      I am so very sorry to hear about all that you have gone through. I have a prayer counselor here at the Help Club who would love to get in contact with you to pray over your situation.
      Be on the lookout for an email from me.
      With love and prayers,
      Deb

  2. Hi I’m having a hard time being a stepmom. My children are grown and I married a man with a 5 year old daughter 3 at the time. He has custody of her) everyday I wake up with regrets. Why do I feel this way. I pray to God every day about this situation. I’m always seeking advice how to handle this. Her mom is in her life when she wants to be. I ended up leaving my full time job to be here. Which put us in a financial stain. My husband is working and we only have one vehicle, my car ( our car). The child’s mom doesn’t have a car so therefore we end up taking her to her moms and picking her up. But her mom can get a ride every where else except when it’s time to pick her up or drop her off . I feel frustrated and used. Amongst other things. I need help getting through this. At times I’m not sleeping at night. Thinking God is upset at me for not wanting to do this. I just have mixed feelings about this sometimes I’m ok and sometimes not. Trying to figure out a way to better view this situation. Without me feeling like I’m being judged.

    1. Dear Chawnda, My heart is breaking for all you are going through. I will tell you that sometimes, the things God calls us to do are hard, very hard. But He promises to help us and give us the wisdom that we need. Don’t discount the importance of what you are doing! The Lord is with you and He will help you!!

      Also, if you are on Facebook, you should consider joining the Help Club for Moms Online group.
      You can join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/636391573213553/

      We are going through our new fall book, “The Wise Woman Abides” together. I know this book can help you. Abiding in Christ is what you need to do right now. I hope to see you in that group and I am praying for you!

  3. I needed to read this. I’m sitting up because I cant sleep tonight. My stepson (9) lives with my husband and I, along with my 12 year old own, my 11 year old son, and my 9 year old daughter. It is HARD. He has definitely developed some resentment with my 12 year old and he recently told a family member that he is being bullied. It has started an investigation with DHR because that family member made a report of an unsafe environment. A safety plan was made and until he is cleared to come home, my 12 yr old has to stay at his dads while the other kids are at home. It is tearing my husband and I apart. And my stepson’s mother keeps texting my husband to make sure he is in their son’s side and that he isn’t being harmed. Please pray for us. It hurts so badly that my child can’t stay here with us and that my husband has become so distant. It seems like everytime we try to reconnect with each other, something happens to spark his protective nature for his son, which automatically makes me the enemy because I stand up for mine.

    1. Oh sweet Tammy, I am so very sorry for all you are going through though. Your work with your family is so important and Satan knows it. He will do whatever he can to break up your family. But the truth is that the Lord Jesus is with you and he is helping you. I am praying for you right now as I read this. Don’t give up! Don’t ever think that what you’re doing with your children and your stepson isn’t important because it is! Even though things may not look really good right now, you never know the type of seeds that you were planting when you choose to love and not retaliate. I am praying today for you to remain in the love of Jesus. When we remain in the love of Jesus it helps us to love others in the power of the Holy Spirit. Thank you for commenting and letting us know how you’re doing.

  4. Thank you for these encouraging words. I am a step mom and it is difficult. I have one step son 17 who has excepted Jesus. We are praying for the other one. They are both good young men. They will be gone soon I know my time with them is short. Thank you again for this. Can’t wait to meet you.

    1. What a sweet mom you are Cari! You job is often thankless and so hard! Please know that what you do by loving your boys well really matters to God! He sees it all and sees your heart to love your stepsons. I am so happy for your stepson to accept Jesus! I will be praying for your other one to do the same. Much love!

  5. Thank you Deb for sharing your story! I love the Esther verse you reference! I’ll be praying for the step-parents I know 🙂

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