Miscarriage – The Hidden Grief
“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14
“If your eyes are on the storm you’ll wonder if I love you still. But if your eyes are on the cross you’ll know I always have and I always will.” ~Casting Crowns, Just Be Held
- Many of you sweet mamas have experienced miscarriage personally or are close to someone who has. It is a very difficult and sometimes taboo topic, but one that we should discuss to bring healing to our hearts.
- Read Psalm 139:13-18. Spend a few moments quieting yourself before the Lord. Allow His Word to bring healing to your weary soul. If you have suffered a miscarriage, pray and ask the Lord to heal the broken places in your heart. Ask Him to show you how much He dearly loves you. Perhaps you have a friend who has lost a baby; take a moment to lift her and her husband up in prayer. Pray for the Lord to comfort them as only He can, and show them His love in a way they can receive.
Miscarriage – The Hidden Grief
We were overjoyed to be expecting our eighth baby! I excitedly went to my normal ten-week checkup alone. I wasn’t alarmed when my baby’s heartbeat couldn’t be detected by doppler. When the doctor decided to perform a quick sonogram, I was delighted! However, as he put the wand on my belly, I saw his face drop. The screen showed no flickering heart and no movement. He kindly expressed his sympathy, and I left quickly before my tears overwhelmed me.
As I spoke with my husband who immediately came home to my side, Job 1:21 fell from my lips. I began to praise God for who He is in my life: my merciful comforter, the giver of love and joy. I thanked Him for my seven healthy children on earth and my devoted, caring husband. I remembered who He is instead of focusing on my loss.
We told our children that our baby, Grace Jubilee, would never feel the pain of this world as she was born right into the arms of our Savior. While each child responded differently, it was heartbreaking to watch them grieve. I remembered the God of the universe loved them too. Mercifully, He provided the comfort and peace for which all of our hearts longed (John 16:33).
As I waited for my body to release Grace, I spent time alone in God’s Word reading Psalms. To prepare for labor, I wrote out prayers from Scripture and carried them with me everywhere. I memorized those verses and repeated them to myself when grief or anxiety washed over me. As pain flooded my body, I quoted, “I cast my cares on You Lord. You will sustain me,” (Psalm 55:22). When sorrow left me sleepless, “I will dwell in the shelter of the Most High and rest in the shadow of the Almighty. You are my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I WILL TRUST,” (Psalm 91:1-2).
When my miscarriage began, it was emotionally and physically painful. I played praise music and wept in the shower. I knew that Jesus was with me, and as Grace passed from my body, Jesus wept with me. For those of you who have suffered the loss of a baby, the Lord is weeping with you too. It grieves Him to see your pain and anguish. Hold close to Him, and He will mend your heart as you pray, read Scripture, and meditate on His promises.
Remember the Word of the Lord is true. Life on this earth is just a fleeting breath in comparison to eternity. One day, when you are present with Jesus, you will see your sweet baby again. Our healing will only be complete when we are whole in Heaven. Until then, take heart, the Lord has overcome this world!
Through our sadness, God continues to bring joy! I am presently suffering morning sickness with another precious baby. Pregnancy after miscarriage is a roller coaster of emotions. With God’s help, I choose not to focus on fear (Psalm 56:3). As life continues after your miscarriage, would you choose to focus on the character of God and the blessings He has brought into your life? Give your grief and sorrow to Him; He is the ultimate Healer.
Questions to Ponder
- What is the character of God? Who is He? It is very important to remember the character of God during our struggles.
- Wherever you are at this moment, are you focusing on the issues surrounding you or the character of God?
For those of you who have suffered a miscarriage, here are some healing suggestions:
- Name your baby. We have named all seven of our precious babies who have gone before us. Some of their names are gender neutral while others are specific. Some are serious and others are funny like the baby I held in my hand…we name him Hezekiah Tom Thumb because of how he fit in our hand.
- Have a symbol of your lost child in your home. We have Willow Tree figurines for each of our children including the ones we lost.
- Grieve, cry, yell, scream, journal, read the Word of God. I have spiral note cards that I read over and over, especially when I felt as if I couldn’t breathe any longer. I have a purple box that the hospital gave me. It holds all the special items and memories of each of my miscarriages.
If you have never suffered through a miscarriage, you can still help someone who is suffering. Please do not be afraid to say something wrong. To say nothing is to ignore the issue. I would encourage you to validate life by your words; to offer meals, babysitting, or housecleaning; or to give a small gift that honors life.
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In her free time, she enjoys studying the Bible, cheering on her children at football games and dance performances and ministering at her church. Her passion to teach ladies is based on Isaiah 50:4, “The Lord GOD has given me the tongue of those who are instructed to know how to sustain the weary with a word. He awakens me each morning; He awakens my ear to listen like those being instructed”