Addressing Gender Questions with Faith

Summer Day 15

“As a man thinks in his heart, so he is.” Proverbs 23:7

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23

Addressing Gender Questions with Faith

All through my early years, I wanted to be a boy. I never played with dolls, wore skirts, or liked the girly-girls. I traipsed through the woods with my grandpa, hunting for mushrooms, lizards, and adventure. Dragons fascinated me—I would rarely be caught without some sort of tail pinned onto my pants, or wings attached to my back. Even with the few girlfriends I had, our games of choice involved secret agents, explorers, or warring empires. Today, I have a second-degree black belt, high scores in shoot-em-up games, a love for science fiction and rock music, and a degree in computer science. What would culture say to that?

Most likely, the gender “experts” of our day would recommend that I be “transitioned” from a girl to a boy. After all, I clearly should have been born one—in fact, if you had asked me from age 4-10 if I wanted to be a boy, I probably would have said yes! But luckily for me, in my early years, such a question never crossed anyone’s minds. And today, I glory in my femininity, happily married to my husband.

But alas, the children of this day face confusion, a struggle with issues that should never even enter our minds as a viable possibility. I believe that we lost the battle as soon as we accepted the idea that people could be born the “wrong” gender. As we open this door, we start looking at situations much differently.

We watch 7-year-old Christie, stomping around the yard with wings and a tail claiming to be the dragon named “King Ghidora,” and instead of seeing her as a silly little girl playing a game, we now see her as a gender-confused girl stuck in the wrong body. The innocent game of pretend suddenly carries heavy significance. The parents’ hushed conversations, overheard by the little girl, strike her with confusion and anxiety.

Thoughts that should never be taken seriously now haunt her through her already-confusing teen years. And thus, we have the gender crisis we face today.

Moms, if you have a child who fits the description I gave of my younger self, fear not. Whatever you do, do not listen to the demonic voices of culture as they plant seeds of doubt in your heart. Your child is normal.

Little boys don’t have to play cowboys and Indians—they can do crafts and play “house” instead. Little girls don’t need dolls or makeup or dresses to be secure in their femininity. The greatest gift you can give them is acceptance and protection from the insidious lies about what their likes and dislikes “mean.”

Go Deeper:

Even if your child doesn’t fit the mold I’ve described here, I’m sure you can think of a place in your parenting where you struggle trusting God. Pray and ask God to show you these areas and write them in your journal. Then write down 5 of your child’s strengths and pray for God to help you to encourage these qualities in your child.

What’s next:

Remember that your words to your children carry incredible power–they will internalize the words you speak over them, and they will pick up on any doubting or fearful undertones. This week set a reminder on your phone to help you remember to intentionally speak life to your child. Ask God to give you the right words to help you to speak words of faith, and prophesy truth and godliness over them.

Some examples might be: “I’m so thankful God gave me a daughter like you!” or “God is making you into a man of strength and integrity!”

Shut out the voices and press on in faith and joy—this is the greatest gift you can give your child. 

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Give hope, prayer, and encouragement below. Post a comment & talk about it.

Christie Frieg
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20 Comments on “Addressing Gender Questions with Faith”

  1. Thanks Christie for writing so we’ll on a topic not many are willing to confront. I loved your personal testimony. As God says “And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to death.” NKJV Revelation 12:11
    No one or nothing can take away from your personal story and testimony! I pray that this study would touch someone’s heart and the Holy Spirit would minister to them. I also believe our standard for this topic is to base our beliefs off of the Word as it is truth and not our culture today. I pray that our culture and education system would teach the Word as truth. I can see your heart for truth here so evidently and appreciate it so much! Thanks 🙂

    1. Thanks so much Sam! I agree. Our culture is so blinded by Satan. Basing our beliefs on the Word of God is the pathway to the truth!
      I appreciate your thoughtful comment!

  2. Well articulated article but unfortunately you missed several incredibly crucial points here. The Christian community is already undereducated on gender identity and articles such as this continue spreading false information. Before posting to such a fragile audience, please be sure to verify facts.

    You mentioned as a child you “wanted to be a boy.” Wanting to be a boy means you did not think you were male and clearly you identified as female. If you identified as male, your language would have sounded like, “I am a boy.” Not, “I want to be a boy.” Therefore, you actually were not struggling with gender identity.

    Gender identity and being a “tom-boy” are not related and the struggles are very different. Experts would not recommend transitioning in your circumstance.

    One last key detail to point out, gender identity is established in full by age 5, if not sooner. You said, you wanted to be a boy between the ages of 4-10. This is because at age 4, you fully identified as female. The gender we identify with at age 4/5 is the same gender we will identify with our entire life.

    This topic is so crucial for parents to understand because gender is the building block of identity. Establishing a personality and understanding who you are cannot happen without first establishing gender identity. Without this initial step, a lifetime of confusion, misunderstanding and conflict are likely to follow.

    It is brave of you to attempt tackling such a big, controversial and sometimes scary topic. Props for sharing your thoughts but I encourage you to write about topics you fully understand in the future. Turning people off to Christianity due to ignorance is a trend that needs to stop in our lifetime. Apologies if my comments seem negative, this is not personal.

    1. Thank you for your interesting perspective! Here at Help Club, we keep our articles under a certain word count for busy moms, which often prevents us from expounding on the topic in great detail. I would have loved to flesh out my position more, which I have spent a great deal of time and energy developing. I do personally happen to disagree with your position, but that does not preclude me from being an expert on the subject, even as you might consider yourself an “expert.” In addition, our “fragile” audience has access to all the resources they need to develop balanced positions and the intellectual ability to question my position if they choose (and they have the ability to appreciate yours as well). Thanks so much for your comment and feedback!

    2. I think the main building block of identity is knowing we are made in the image of God. After that it is knowing you are loved and feafully and wonderfully made by this intimate but powerful God of the universe. Gender is not central to who we are in Christ.

      This may seem counterintuitive to you, but the emphasis being placed on gender is a big part of the problem. If we look first to God to define us we will have the internal foundation to accept ourselves as we are made. Our narrow definitions of male and female are a big part of the problem too. Wake up world: feelings are not facts. Facts are facts. One cannot change their gender. We do not accept the transient lusts of the flesh. Living for a higher purpose and way is the entire Christian Way.

      It is absolutely best to be equipped to accept your gender as assigned by the God of the universe and trust Him to define you, to free you to be fully who you are, even if, for you, that means being a different kind of girl or boy. God is able to give you a good and full life as you are. We do not get our sense of purpose from how we appear, dress, and present before men. We receive our identity and purpose from God.

      Strong, decisive women marry sensitive, gentle, artistic men all the time. And they have children and full, beautiful lives. Preoccupation with gender dysmorphia is not Jesus’ light yoke for us.

  3. Thank you Christie for tackling a topic so politically charged right now! It is so important we stand firm in our beliefs and trust in God’s plan for our children and that we are all created in His image and likeness.

    1. Thanks so much Kristall! I agree! Standing firm in our faith is the only way to go. Thanks for commenting!

  4. Agree with it all, this study is excellent! Love the honesty, Biblical truth and insight! When humans exchange their God given gender for another, they become stripped of their very identity and purpose of existence. This is Satan’s plan. Thanks Christie for your willingness to talk about an important topic in our culture today.

    1. I appreciate the encouragement Mari Jo. Your words ring with much truth! God makes us male and female for a reason. He has a specific plan for our gender. Satan wants to thwart all of the plans of God in our lives. His plans are best. Thanks for commenting!

  5. Such a good article! The idea of a child being born the wrong gender irritates me. It’s so sexist; girls don’t have to be girly.

    1. You are so right! What culture often seems as liberating for women is often sexist!
      Thanks for commenting!

  6. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and your experience Christie! It’s so important that we parents stay in faith and believe God has amazing plans for our family and our children. We need to continually cultivate a culture of believing in God and believing in the plans He has for them.

  7. Christie, I must admit that it fleetingly crossed my mind at your wedding to look for a tail, or some approximation thereof, protruding from your wedding dress as you marched down the aisle! So glad you resisted.
    Thank you for your truthful article. You are so right-on. Satan wants to corrupt God’s creation anyway he can. These “gender confusion” thoughts are directly from Satan. We should not allow their entry into our thoughts. God created us for a high purpose, and we should be thankful for the way He made us. Love you Christie.

    1. Thanks Mammo! I wish I had a tail under my wedding dress! That would have been awesome! Ha ha!!

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