“The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” Genesis 2:18
“Pity the married couple who expect too much from one another.” Ruth Bell Graham
- It’s a brand new day to spend time with Jesus! He is longing to meet with you and teach you how to love your husband well. Pray for God to give you His wisdom to help you understand today’s study and apply it to your life.
- Grab your Bible and Read Genesis 2:18 and Ephesians 5:22-23. Write both of these powerful verses in your journal.
Let Your Man Lead!
Do you ever feel disheartened because your husband doesn’t lead your family spiritually? Or maybe he does lead, but not like you think he should? Have you prayed for God to help him be more intentional with teaching your kids about spiritual things but still don’t see any change?
The Bible says we women are to submit to our husbands, following their lead in our home. What do we do when we want to follow God’s Word but feel held back by our husband’s lack of faith and leadership?
I felt this way early in my marriage, and it caused a lot of fights between me and my husband. Eventually, the Holy Spirit began convicting me. He put His finger on my heart and made me see that I was not being held back by my husband’s lack of leadership; I was being controlling and even sinful. The truth was that my expectations and standards were way too high for my poor husband to attain. I wanted a Christian home so desperately that I put unneeded pressure on my husband to perform. Instead of trusting his leadership in our home, I gave way to fear (1 Peter 3:6).
Before becoming a Christian, I made a lot of mistakes, and I was terribly afraid my children would do the same. So, I went to every parenting and mom’s conference I could, looking for the perfect formula to help my husband and I to raise Christian kids who would not do the sinful things that I had done. While at these conferences, I heard the speakers say that if my husband wasn’t reading the Bible to our children every single night at the dinner table, going to a men’s group at church, or leading a certain way, he was falling short. Eager to be the best Christian mom I could, I tried to implement every suggestion they gave.
Poor Randy! I would come home from these conferences frustrated and disappointed in him, telling him all the ways he was falling short. But truthfully, he was leading; he simply led our family in his way, not in my way, or in the way of the “experts” I was listening to.
My husband drove us to church every Sunday, took us with him to serve as he cleaned up a yard for a single mom, and prayed with us faithfully. Randy is a man of his word who honors his commitments, the pleasant and unpleasant ones, and he taught his kids to do the same. My husband’s faithfulness is quite a hard act to follow, but for some reason, all I focused on was that he wasn’t reading the Bible to our kids every day.
Thankfully, God spoke to my heart and showed me that my Randy was the perfect dad for our children. He was leading them well. I finally got out of his way and let him lead!
Instead of complaining about what Randy wasn’t doing, I started praying about becoming his helper. God answered this prayer by helping me find fun, simple devotions that Randy could read to our kids. I found easy devotions that I could photocopy and cut into little pieces of paper, and I put them in a jar with chocolate candy. After dinner, the kids and I loved to pick out a piece of chocolate from the jar and enjoy a yummy treat while dad read the short devotion out loud. Randy appreciated the help and soon felt like he successfully knew how to disciple our children.
I also began cooking a big breakfast on Sunday mornings, complete with bacon, eggs, and pancakes. The smell of delicious food always got our hungry kids out of bed. During breakfast, Randy would read a little devotion or a chapter of the Bible in different little voices that made the Scriptures come alive to the kids. They loved it and have fond memories of Sunday morning devotions with their daddy!
When I stopped fussing at Randy and began to help him, he began to lead more confidently. As wives, we have the ability to help our men step into their calling to be a godly husband. We need to cheer them on and be their helpers, trusting that God will work in their hearts. What a blessing it is when we get out of the way and watch God work!
Blessings and Love,
Questions to Ponder
- Are there any areas in which you have unrealistic expectations for your husband? Pray and ask God to show you.
- What are some ways you can become your husband’s helper? Write them down in your journal. Pray for God to help you encourage your husband instead of criticizing him.
If your husband is struggling in this area, ask him how you can help. Maybe you can help by praying for him, getting the kids ready for devotion time, and/or picking out a devotional book for him to read to the kids.
Here is a list of some of our favorites:
• Our 24 Family Ways by Clay Clarkson
• Family Nights Tool Chest by Focus on the Family Authors
• The Picture Bible by Iva Hoth
• The Action Bible by Doug Mauss
• The Child’s Story Bible by Catherine F. Vos
I remember going into my daughter's room night after night and kneeling beside her bed and crying my heart out to God because I didn’t know how to be a Christian mom; I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. You know what? God is so faithful! He answered me and simply said, “Spend time with me, Deb.” And so I did. I began arising 15-30 minutes earlier each day so I could read my Bible and pray, and plan out my day with my family.
If there was one thing I would love to share with you is that God is personal and loves you as you are. You don’t have to be perfect to be loved by our amazing God! Come as you are! His loving presence can be practically known and experienced. He is not a God who is far away, He is near and easily found. He longs for you to come to Him!
Deb is married to her soulmate of 28 years, Randy. They have two grown children, Christie and Jack, and one precious, answer to prayer son-in-law named Alex.