Loving Well Through Distance

“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” Genesis 2:18 (NKJV)

“I used to want the perfect marriage and it drove me to distraction. Because marriage is never perfect. The more I learned to find my satisfaction in God, the more satisfied I became with my husband and my marriage.” Barb Raveling


  • Hello, precious woman of the Most High God. Grab your favorite beverage, your journal, a Bible, and a heart to see and hear what God has to share with you today.
  • Read Genesis 2:18. Then write it in your journal as a reminder that God created you for your husband.

Loving Well Through Distance

When God created Eve for Adam, she was meant to be his helper—the one who would walk alongside him in the garden of life. Like Eve, we have been given to our husband as his helper. But what does it mean to be a helper? What are some challenges you might face in the role of helper, especially when you are physically or spiritually apart from your husband? And what are some practical examples you can use to help cultivate and maintain a healthy marriage through times of separation?

First of all, helper doesn’t mean servant. The word “helper” refers to a loving companion with whom our husbands go through life. Consider this revealing definition from an article called “A Suitable Helper” by Marg Mowczko:

In English, the word “help” has a broad range of connotations. “Help” can refer to a simple, modest act, or it can refer to something much more vital and significant. An example of vital help is the assistance provided by doctors. In Hebrew, the word for “helper” used in Genesis 2:18 and 20 is ezer (pronounced “ay-zer”), and it is always and only used in the Old Testament in the context of vitally important and powerful acts of rescue and support.

So, ladies, we are powerful companions to our husband—sometimes our role is to support, and other times, to rescue. In marriage, our effort should be 100 percent. This applies to us as well as our mates. There will be times of imbalance, when we are exerting more effort than our husbands, but our goal should be maximum effort anyway.

When we get married, it’s supposed to be for better, for richer, and for keeps, right? I can tell you that life throws curveballs that sometimes shake these assumptions. As a military spouse of 22 years, the government was responsible for most of the curveballs that came my way. In the beginning, it was just my husband Galen and me, and we could maintain our relationship well even with distance. But when we started having kids, I had a harder time managing the household, caring for the children, and showing love to my husband. When I could devote my full attention to him, I would do sweet things like tucking a short, sweet note in his suitcase before he left for a trip. We would talk over the phone at least once a day. When we lived in California and he was at the Weapons School in Nevada, I would drive over seven hours to visit him. I made my husband my priority. His classmates teased that I visited more times than he was in class! One time, during a 6-month course, I had my in-laws watch our 4-year-old son and flew over just for dinner. I surprised him with a call and said, “What are you doing for dinner? Pick me up at the airport and let’s go out!”

It’s not always miles that separate you from your husband. Sometimes, it’s just the busyness of life. In my case, my husband couldn’t share what he did at work most of the time. On top of that, my husband is an introvert, so talking at any length with him takes a lot of warming up. In order to make some time each month to talk, we would get a babysitter for just a couple of hours, or we would trade with another family so we could talk and focus on one another.

When we lived in Georgia, there were no cute cafes or diners in our area to have a cup of tea or coffee, so we would go to the small Starbucks kiosk at our local Kroger grocery store. We had some of the best conversations in Kroger. We would often sit in the car to talk for a while after getting home from church on Sundays. These were special and sweet times.

What you do doesn’t have to be elaborate. The best thing I can recommend after 23 years of marriage is to keep talking, keep being intimate, keep respecting, and keep loving. Galen and I have found that by keeping God at the center of our lives and taking the time to do things with a right heart, God has been honored and glorified, and He has helped our marriage blossom. He will do the same for you.

Blessings and Love,


Questions to Ponder

  • How have you handled the curveballs that life has thrown at you?
  • What can you do to make meaningful connections with your husband during this season of your life? My prayer for you:
    “Dear Father, I pray that this amazing woman will be led to ideas about how to make her marriage fun and full of love. May she seek You to lead her in ways that will best fit her marriage. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

Faith-Filled Ideas

Be beautiful. When your husband returns from a trip, put on a favorite dress, fix up your hair, and apply a bit of makeup. Have the children in clean clothes with their faces washed, and if you have time, make some simple “Welcome Home, Daddy” signs. You’ll be amazed at his response!

Make time to be intimate, even though it can be exhausting. When my children were young, I would faithfully schedule two days a week to be intimate with my husband. He never complained!

Try a Bible study on the topic of marriage. I did one called “Enhancing Your Marriage” by Judy Rossi. More recently, as Galen and I are geographically separated due to work, I do a nightly devotional over the phone with my him and my children. We do one with our boys first, pray with them, and then do a marriage study together. YouVersion is an excellent Bible app for countless devotions, covering every topic imaginable.

Pam Mays
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