“However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of loving kindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].” Ephesians 5:33 (AMP)
“To love your spouse is to invest in blue-chip stocks.” Gary Chapman
- Time to grab your Bible and dig into God’s Word. Read Ephesians 5:33, preferably in the Amplified version found online, and then write it in your journal.
- Do you notice that God’s Word doesn’t say the wife “should” respect her husband “if she wants to” or “if he deserves respect”? It says she must! Wow, let that sink in a minute. It’s our job to honor and respect the man we married! If you haven’t respected your husband, ask the Lord to forgive you. Share with your husband your struggles and ask for his forgiveness. Let him know how much you appreciate and respect him, despite the times you haven’t shown him appreciation and respect.
Loving Your Husband
When my husband and I were just married, we had our first argument the day after we got home from our honeymoon! As soon as we got home, I plopped on the couch, kicked off my shoes, and turned on the television. My husband looked at my shoes on the floor and asked me when I was going to put them away. I told him I would do it when I was done relaxing. He responded, “Why not put them away now?” Well, that’s when our first spat began. I learned right from the beginning that my husband likes his home clean and, though he does not demand this from me, we work better together when we understand each other’s expectations.
I have been married for sixteen years, and my house cleaning skills have improved. However, that didn’t happen overnight. After the first couple of children, my husband realized we couldn’t keep our place picture perfect. Five children later, I now delegate some of the housework to my kiddos, but I still do my best to please my husband in this area.
What pleases your husband? Marriage takes work. Love is a sacrificial, unselfish choice in which you put another above yourself. It is an act of will and requires personal discipline. Be encouraged in this: Christ loves your marriage and designed you to be your husband’s helpmate! God helps us by giving us guidelines in Scripture, godly mentors, and wonderful Christian resources to read and study.
Recently, I read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It has helped me realize how I can love my husband better. Being knowledgeable of your spouse’s love language and how to express love is vital in a marriage. My man’s love language is words of affirmation. Although what he says is nice and flattering, his words are not my love language. Don’t get me wrong, I love the accolades, but love in action—known as acts of service—blesses me more.
Chapman writes, “Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express your love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other.”
Often, we try to fill our spouse’s cup with what works best for filling our own. Although I need acts of service to make me feel loved, words of affirmation are important to my husband. So, I tell him daily how much I love him and appreciate his hard work and strong ethics. By acknowledging his positive traits, I fill my husband’s cup and make him desire to be an even better provider, father, and lover. Verbal appreciation can really change the climate of a marriage!
My spouse and I openly talk about what we each do that makes the other happy, and we’ve discovered that our needs are different. I am sure you and your spouse are wired differently, too. Interestingly, according to Chapman, we have a primary love language and also secondary ones. Physical touch is pretty important to my husband. I am sure this is top on the list for most men. You might just find your husband has more than one love language and that you do too.
My husband now brings me coffee in bed with a good morning kiss to wake me up. Sometimes, he will run a bubble bath for me and tell the children that it’s “mom time” so I can soak in peace. He has been known to buy my favorite chocolates and bring home flowers for no other reason than to show me he loves me.
Knowing that your spouse is enriched by your effort will also give you a sense of satisfaction. Your spouse will feel appreciated and be more willing to please you in your language. I highly recommend reading this book if your marriage needs a little refresher!
Blessings and Love,
Questions to Ponder
Read Genesis 2:18 (NASB)
- Think about what being your husband’s helper entails. How can you help him on a regular basis? Ask God for the grace to submit to your husband both outwardly and inwardly. Ask the Lord to reveal to you a few ideas, write them down, and pick one to try today!
- Consider putting his needs before your own. Reflect on how you can encourage and compliment him more.
In today’s culture, we can strive to be set apart from the sinful ways of the world by earnestly loving our husbands. As mothers, the example we set when loving our husbands will impact our children and leave a legacy for future generations. Challenge yourself to love your husband with his love language and watch your marriage soar!