Loving Your Husband Even When He is Unlovable

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2

“A mentor told me early on, ‘Beth, if you treat that man like he already is everything you want him to become, he’ll become it.’ I could have cut my husband down with my tongue, but I didn’t think that was wise. A man needs his woman’s love and respect.” Beth Moore


  • Call your prayer partner for your 10-minute prayer call. If you are having continual difficulty connecting with your prayer partner, pray and ask God
    for wisdom about what to do. If you feel that she is no longer interested in praying together, call her and ask about it. She may have a good reason for being unable to pray. Always assume the best! If she says that she can’t be your prayer partner right now, pray and ask God to bring you someone else. Be on the lookout for this new prayer partner. God will bring her to you!
  • It is time to meet with the Lord. He is delighted that you are carving out these moments in your busy day. There is nothing more important!
  • Please read Ephesians 4:31-32. Read it again. Pray it out loud and say your husband’s name when it says “one another.” Hearing his name in the verse will be a powerful reminder of the truth of this Scripture.

Loving Your Husband Even When He is Unlovable

Showing love to our husbands when we are disappointed in them or they have hurt us is hard. It seems completely impossible. Unlovable behavior deserves harshness and sharp words…at least that is what the world would tell us. However, it is during these times in our marriage that we most need to respond not only in obedience to God, but in a noticeably different way than the world. We need to respond in peace, because a righteous and loving tone is a precursor to the hope our marriages so desperately need.

There have been many, many times in my marriage when my husband has been unlovable; he is human after all. I have had ample opportunity to overlook annoyances, but guess what? I’m human too! From my wicked, self-centered heart, I have made hurtful comments and showed no empathy. It is in these struggles to love my husband that I have learned the most about myself. Looking back, it was often my attitude which needed adjustment. This powerful verse has convicted me and helped me to focus on the state of my own heart: “For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45 ESV).

For years, I would not even consider what was going on in my husband’s heart that caused him to act in such frustrating or unlovable ways. I only thought of myself and how annoyed I felt, how inconvenienced I was, or how I needed him when he wasn’t there for me. You get the point. I realized I had lost a lot of compassion and general goodwill toward my husband. Even though I was let down, I was also letting him down!

Our marriage began to vastly improve when I started living out these verses in Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV):

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Simply put, I needed to become more tender and compassionate toward my husband by leaning on the Holy Spirit for the strength to do it. Here are three things I have learned about showing unconditional love to my husband:

  • My husband is a good man!
    And at some level, yours is too. Even if he is not half the man you want him to be, you should still treat him like he is a good man. Look at the quote from Beth Moore today. Treating your husband like the man you desire him to be will cause him to work hard to live up to your expectations! Make sense? Your husband longs to make you happy (even if he rarely shows it), and you need to be his biggest cheerleader. He is your husband and deserves your love.
  • I am often unlovable too!
    Can we all just make a commitment to accept our humanness and not act like our husbands are the only annoying ones? Apologize to your hubby often and he will likely do the same. Be the first person to start a conversation toward forgiveness. Be more selfless and realize that a happy and healthy marriage can start with you!
  • I can do nothing apart from the Holy Spirit!
    Period. There is little else to say on this matter except: stop trying to improve your husband! Just stop! It is not your job. Your husband belongs to the Lord. You have been given the amazing blessing to respect him, honor him, and love him for your whole life. It is an incredible gift from God to be married, and we need to find hope in the trust we have in Him. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Blessings and Love,

Rachel and the Help Club for Moms Team

Questions to Ponder

  • Are you often short with your husband? Do you find yourself frequently losing patience with him?
  • When was the last time you looked your husband in the eyes and asked him how he was feeling? Is your husband hard to be around right now because he is going through something difficult?
  • I know this might be hard to hear: Is it possible your husband misses his happy and carefree wife, the one who used to delight in him?

Faith-Filled Ideas

Journal for a few minutes about what you love about your husband. Spend some serious quality time praying for your husband and submitting your fears, worries, and frustrations about him to the Lord. Remember, you cannot change your husband; only the Holy Spirit can do that. Your job as a wife is to be an amazing support system who honors and respects your man.

Rachel Jones
Latest posts by Rachel Jones (see all)

7 Comments on “Loving Your Husband Even When He is Unlovable”

  1. Any advice for wives of unsaved husbands? Colossians 3 speaks to behavior amongst Christians. I’m praying and believing for my husband’s salvation but would love some words of encouragement in the meantime.

  2. Thank you for reading! Yes, doing it is the difficult part! 😘😍 Praying for you. The Holy Spirit will guide you as a wife. XOXO

  3. Thank you for reading! Yes, doing it is the difficult part! 😘😍 Praying for you. The Holy Spirit will guide you as a wife. XOXO

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