Our Words: An Invitation to Peace or the Provoking of War

“Kind words are like honey- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” Proverbs 16:24 (NLT)

“Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.” Blaise Pascal


  • Good morning Mom! Our study today teaches us about the huge impact our words have in our marriages. What we say, and more importantly, how we say it affects the course of our relationships, for better or worse. When we are intentional about choosing kind and loving words, we reap incredible blessings in our marriages!
  • Read Proverbs 18:4 and Proverbs 18:20.

Our Words: An Invitation to Peace or the Provoking of War

We’ve all heard the saying, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I cannot think of a more untrue quote. On the contrary, our words are ultra powerful. Hurtful words can be so potent. They have the power to bring extreme mental anguish and painful damage to the heart of the one receiving them. What we say can provoke a continual emotional war in the mind.

However, life-giving words are even more powerful. They bring tremendous life, healing, strength, and peace. As you read today in Proverbs 18:4 (NLT), Solomon wrote, “A person’s words can be life- giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook.”

What a beautiful word picture. I know most of us have experienced it firsthand—a timely word spoken or encouragement by a friend in a dry season. It can be so life-altering and helps to shovel you out of a deep pit, and set you on the right path again.

When communicating with our husbands, it’s so important to select words wisely. Words are free, and can be put together in many ways. If we choose to speak from the flesh, our words become quite costly, damaging relationships, especially over time with our husbands. As Proverbs 18:21 (GNT) warns, “What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the consequences of your words.”

The way we become better at inviting peace with our words is to pay attention to what we’re thinking about or meditating on. We will not speak out what we haven’t thought about. (Take a moment to think about this).

When we have trouble clearing our head of unforgiving thoughts, we should go back to the cross and ask Jesus to help us. Remember what we’ve been forgiven from. God isn’t keeping a record of our wrongs. He genuinely loves and forgives us, even though we’ve sinned against Him a thousand times. God’s thoughts toward us are continually good (Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139:16-18, Isaiah 55:8-9, Psalm 40:5). Meditating on His undeserved grace brings thoughts of peace and love which will pour out onto our spouses.

Difficult seasons in our marriage (for whatever reason), can either make us stronger and superior or turn us sour and resentful. With the power of the Holy Spirit, we are able to forgive and think on good things. These healing thoughts become life-giving words of love and kindness to our husbands!

Philippians 4:8 (NLT) says:

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

The key word in this Scripture is fix. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it means: to hold or direct steadily, to capture the attention of, to set or place definitely, or to make an accurate determination. We need to focus (fix our thoughts) on good things, not evil.

1 Peter 4:8 (NLT) says:

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

Wow! It doesn’t say a few sins; it says a multitude of sins. I think Peter understood that all of us are guilty of committing innumerable sins in our lifetimes! No one is exempt.

Sweet mom, don’t keep a mental list of the sins of your husband. Instead, overlook them and show him the deep love of God. When you remember the blood of Jesus that wiped away all of your sin (past, present and future), it becomes so much easier to let go of offenses. God’s not keeping track and neither should you! A miracle of restoration can begin in your marriage when you focus on everything your spouse does right, rather than on his mistakes.

God wants you to thrive in your marriage, not just survive! Thriving begins when you choose to listen to the Holy Spirit’s thoughts, and cast down your fleshly ones. When you receive His life- giving, higher thoughts, their fruit will be words of healing, life, and peace!

Let’s think before we talk. Let’s invite peace into our marriages, instead of provoking war.

Blessings and Love,

Mari Jo

Questions to Ponder

  • How are you using your words in your marriage? War or Peace?
  • When your words or tone are harsh or unkind, go back and pinpoint why. What were you believing? What were you feeling? Journal your answers.
  • Think about any unforgiving thoughts you’ve had and their effect. How has resentment impacted you and your relationships?

Faith-Filled Ideas

Bring your accusations to Jesus and hand them over completely to Him. Do the right thing; choose to forgive. Thank Jesus you are forgiven for your own sin and ask the Holy Spirit to fill you in any place you hurt. Praise Him for giving you grace instead of the justice you deserve. Last of all, give God your mouth. Ask Him to help you build up your husband, not tear him down.

Mari Jo Mast

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