My childhood was painful, especially after my parent’s divorce.
I was a very broken 12-year-old girl when my dad moved us cross-country and married my first stepmom (I had three stepmoms over the years). It was less than a year after my parents divorced and my head was still spinning about how much my life had changed.
Daddy moved us in with her and I slept in her sons’ bedroom while they were away at college. When they came home to visit, I was moved to the office on the sleeper sofa. I felt like I didn’t matter and didn’t belong in that house.
To make matters worse, my new stepmom was jealous of my relationship with my dad; He and I were very close. She even told my dad, “It’s her or me.” Thankfully, my dad chose me.
I don’t really understand why my stepmom wanted me out. I’m sure I was high-need and clingy to my dad at the time, but I was really broken after all I had been through.
I wish my stepmom had been patient and seen that I wasn’t a threat to her and my dad’s relationship. I also wish she would have tried to have a relationship with me (we will cover this tip in another article in the series).
I thought my first tip to our Help Club Bonus Moms would be to encourage your husband to spend one-on-one time with his children, your bonus kids. I feel like this one selfless act would reap high rewards for your relationship with those bonus children of yours. As they feel loved and secure with their dad, they will become healthier, and easier to raise. All children need unconditional love from their dads; it helps children grow up into wonderful adults who are secure in who they are and less needy to those around them.
And one last thing. Be sure to pray for your bonus kids and their relationship with their parents. God will answer those prayers in wonderful ways!
Remember, God sees you, sweet mom. All that you do- all the ways you choose to love and live selflessly, God notices and is so pleased.
I love how 2 Chronicles 16:9a says: “For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” He will strongly support you as you love your husband and your precious bonus kids. You are not alone. Ask Him to help you each day and to show you His love. Ask Him to help you feel like He sees you and that all you do matters greatly to Him. He will do it!
Deb and the Help Club for Moms Team
Talk with your husband this week about perhaps scheduling regular one-on-one time to spend with his children. Buy him a gift card to an ice cream shop or a coffee house nearby and let him know that you want to do all you can to help his relationship with the children flourish. Pray for him and the child while they are out together. Pray for God to bring deep healing to any areas of their relationship that are broken. And ask God to show you that He sees you too and that He is very proud of all you are doing!